Tuesday, January 18, 2011

kind of a bad day

I've been cranky pants all day today. Sad and upset for no particular reason, really. Do you ever have days like that? Probably girls more so that guys... still an unexplainable and unavoidable calamity regardless.

Do you ever find it incredibly difficult to keep your head above water? I knew today was going to be a rough day from the moment I rolled out of bed at 6am. My heart was heavy during my normal morning routine and even heavier by the time I sat down in front of my work computer 2 hours later. 110% of me did not want to face today. I knew it was going to be a day where I yearned to just crawl back in bed and sleep until the next morning. It's an escape really, from reality... from emotion... from feeling... from my mind being my worst enemy.

The fact is- my mind is my worst enemy. I blame myself for everything... for every little failure in life that I have faced thus far- broken relationships and friendships mainly, I rationalize a reason to put all the blame on myself. It's a brutal mental fight that takes place in my mind daily... and quite frankly, I'm so weary of dealing with it.

I trust too easily, but you know what? I'll  still pick myself back up and face the world again... all with the grace of a woman... never the grief of a child. And once again... everything will prove to be ok. Everything always proves to be ok.

I'm not usually this vulnerable or this emotional on my blog. I like to keep it a happy place... but today... today is different. Today, I needed to write.


cynthia gayle said...

my comment is in your email. I love you.

Brooke said...

I like your honesty Ema. It gives everyone freedom to feel even when it's not so cheery. Blessings & Love