falling in love...

Today marks the day that 2 years ago, I naively said yes to a man who asked me to marry him. Little did I know then that I would be where I am today. That man is no longer in my life in any way and for that, I am so thankful.

His current life is irrelevant to mine; we are now two very different people living two very different lives. And who I was 2 years ago and who I am today, February 21, 2011 are two completely different women. I was once dangerously dependent, unable to make decisions without his input, naive and loved and respected that man more than I loved and respected myself. It was a tornado within a hurricane.

Every day is still a battle and every day I have to make decisions to continue to improve, to change, to grow... but who I am today is something to be proud of. With the exception of paying my own car insurance (my Dad helps me out because I'm in school), I am completely, 100% dependent on my income and my income alone. I pay my own insurance, my own bills and am working hard to reduce  debt. I'm a part time Master's student and full-time employee. I make big-girl decisions daily that will directly impact my future and most importantly, I am learning to fall in love with myself.

That is why I have decided {after much hesitation} to purchase this pendant from Ritzy Misfit's Etsy store. Because it's more than just a pendant, it's a symbol of who I am. The artist explains what I am trying to explain perfectly: "No one is perfect, but we are all beautiful. These pendants give the feeling of being beautiful, unique and rough around the edges at the same time. My work reflects the wonderful, flawed idiosyncrasies in us all... and it makes us all breath-taking."

 

 In an "E" of course :)

This is a treat for me... for getting where I am today and committing to becoming even more in the future. It's a reminder to learn to fall more in love with "me" everyday... character flaws and all.

I would love to hear if you own a piece of jewelry that shares a story!

share it in a comment!

ps. many emails and a few comments this weekend about sharing recipes and my secrets... first, THANK YOU for the encouragement. Second, recipes and secrets of staying on track coming this week!

pps. quoteable monday still coming today!

attitude really IS everything

I'm about 5 days into my sugar/white flour detox and guess what? I feel better than I ever have before. No joke. 

I can't really identify why I am so pumped about this new lifestyle of eating healthy and "green" {not organic, haven't jumped on that bandwagon yet}, but one thing I have really been focusing on this week is that it truly is all about your attitude.

There are plenty of things that I have eliminated from my diet this week: goldfish, chocolate, red wine {for about another week at least} and mac and cheese {all favorite foods here, people}. 

BUT... there are also plenty of things that I have introduced myself to this week: protein packed green smoothies, Greek yogurt with honey, quinoa, pita chips and hummus. All week long I have had the chance to try new foods and new recipes, all packed with delicious and wholesome ingredients. How fun is that?!

Another thing that this change has brought back is my love for cooking. I stopped cooking about 2 years ago because I had a mentality that cooking for myself wasn't going to be fun. Hot dang, was I ever wrong... I love cooking for myself! I don't have to worry about pleasing others' taste buds or having dinner ready at a particular time... I simply fix what I want when I want. 

What I'm trying to say is this: I could be complaining that I've given up goldfish, peanut butter M&Ms, red wine {heaven help me, one more week} and cooking a scrumptious dinner for two at my apartment, but I know that continuously thinking about the things that I cannot have will lead me down a road of misery and failure. Instead... it's all about a change in attitude towards the things that I can have, which right now include wholesome and truly delicious foods like veggies, fruits and whole grains... and yeah, even a little dark chocolate here and there. :)

My energy level has soared through the roof this week {no really, ask my coworkers} and I feel my confidence  gaining strength with each day that goes by... a true change I am welcoming with open arms. 

{just a friendly reminder}

I am so thankful for you, dear readers. You keep me going. 

Happy Weekend!!!

"just be you"

I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am. A dear friend of mine often reminds me to "just be you." I am so thankful for that reminder.

In a culture where we constantly try to be someone else- I encourage you to reflect on who you truly are. 

i am: 

*very feminine- completely awed by the color pink, flowers, sparkles and/or lace.

*classy

*high maintenance, yet independent and self-sufficient

*determined and hard working
*loyal

*a romantic at heart, but not easily charmed

Along with other character traits, both good and bad, this is who I am. Though it would be lovely to take a few components that I admire in other people and somehow magically intertwine them into my being... it simply will never happen. I am who I am. I shouldn't have to change myself in order for another person to love me... and I won't. Granted, there is always room for improvement in some areas, but I'm not going to try to change who I am and what I enjoy for the simple sake of "love."

I am slowly learning to be ok with all of this.  

I encourage you, dear readers:

just be you... just the way you are.

funny texts

I could not help but laugh the other day after I got this text from one of my best friends back home {his texts are in gray}.

There are about 10 more "why what's up" messages after this!
And then say men can't get a word in otherwise! Ha!

I can always count on him for a good laugh after a tough day and I am thankful for the way he looks out for those he is closest to. Although we are prone to our tiffs he has taught me a lot about friendship and respect- both self-respect and respect for others.

Check out a few of my favorite pictures/memories below!

The first two were from a weekend trip the three of us took together... his expressions were priceless as Erica and I danced around Starbucks that morning acting like total girls!

The last is a picture of us with his best friend and fiance- the 4 of us went on a cruise together! More pictures coming soon!

Xo,
E

Contentment, Pt 2

I had an entire post written out about contentment, pt 2. I was putting the finishing touches on it.

Then I found this sticky note on my computer from my sister from a year ago:

Dear SIssy,

I know one day you are going to want to clear this account. I know it is going to be really really hard for you. I just want you to know how much i love and care for you. You are one of the most amazinng people i know.

Please never forget that or let anyone make you think differently.

Love,

Ana

And then I bawled.

I was using my "old account", the account I used for all my wedding planning on my computer tonight because the internet wouldn't connect on my normal account. I've been slowly deleting pictures, files, documents from this account...

I love my Sister. I cannot begin to tell you how much she got me through the worst time of my life to date. She loved me the way a little sister loves her big sister. She slept with me to keep me company. She dragged me out of the house to go for a ride. She listened to me and watched me cry daily. For months.

I miss her dearly. I need to be physically close to her again...

{circa 2008}

I can't stop crying. I think I'll keep this on my computer for a while.

Contentment, Part One

Lately I have been learning contentment, mainly in three ways.

The first is contentment with where I am geographically.

I currently live in Central Virginia and am not a fan. Most of all, I miss my family. I miss my dear friends. I miss the city lights that were a mere hour drive away. I miss bike rides with my Mom and I miss my dog.

Back in March, I decided to move to Virginia because of an incredible job opportunity and while I am not a fan of my location, I am trying to learn contentment. I am here for a reason: the known reason is because of work. I was offered a job at a University that pays for my education. It was a hard decision to move away from my family and friends, but with the support and encouragement from those who know me best, I decided it would be foolish to give up such an opportunity. I also knew, deep down, that if I didn't take full advantage of this opportunity, I would regret it in 10 years.

At the time of the move, I was living in the "here and now." I wasn't actively thinking about the future. The move and this job has encouraged me to not only think of the future, but prepare for the future now.

Here are some of my goals:

1. Begin chipping away at my Masters degree. My job will pay for 6 classes a year. It will take me 2 years to finish my degree, if I decide to stay at my current job.

2. In the Spring, I will begin looking for another job- ideally at another university in the DC, Philly or Wilmington area. This will put me a mere 1-2 hour drive from my family.

3. While I'm waiting to begin applying for a new job, I will take full advantage of the learning experience I have been given now. I will work hard and develop my professional skills. There is no better time than now for hands on experience. I have been blessed with an incredible boss who previously worked for Coca-Cola. From day 1, he has offered coaching for his employees; he coaches and pushes them into fields that encourage professional development. You really can't ask for a better boss.

4. I plan to take advantage of where I live now. It's not ideal, but I'm here... and will be here for at least 6-ish more months. Instead of escaping every weekend, my roommate and I have been enjoying getting to know our area... researching culture-rich festivals and activities. The Fall is a perfect time for this, which will carry right over to Holiday parties and festivities. Before I know it, it'll be time to start job searching... and perhaps one day I'll miss this town and this time in my life. Why not make the most of it while I'm here now?

I have 2 more areas that I'm learning to be content:

1. my body and body image

2. love

I'll be writing about BOTH of these in future posts.

For tonight, I'll leave you with an Audrey quote to ponder:

{A quality education has the power to transform societies in a single generation, provide children with the protection they need from the hazards of poverty, labor exploitation and disease, and given them the knowledge, skills and confidence to reach their full potential} AH