"just be you"

I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am. A dear friend of mine often reminds me to "just be you." I am so thankful for that reminder.

In a culture where we constantly try to be someone else- I encourage you to reflect on who you truly are. 

i am: 

*very feminine- completely awed by the color pink, flowers, sparkles and/or lace.

*classy

*high maintenance, yet independent and self-sufficient

*determined and hard working
*loyal

*a romantic at heart, but not easily charmed

Along with other character traits, both good and bad, this is who I am. Though it would be lovely to take a few components that I admire in other people and somehow magically intertwine them into my being... it simply will never happen. I am who I am. I shouldn't have to change myself in order for another person to love me... and I won't. Granted, there is always room for improvement in some areas, but I'm not going to try to change who I am and what I enjoy for the simple sake of "love."

I am slowly learning to be ok with all of this.  

I encourage you, dear readers:

just be you... just the way you are.

12908198213 bajillion left to kill

I was reading in bed last night when I happened to glance out of the corner of my eye and notice *this* thing lingering on my comforter.

 GROSS!

I'll admit- I did squeal in terror, but only because I thought it was a certain other 8 legged creature of which I am deathly terrified.

I calmly gathered him and quickly flushed him down the john. 

ema: 1 

stink bug: 0

twinkle lights

why are twinkle lights so romantic?

May your Christmas Eve be filled with laughter, family and romance.

And for our soldiers who are serving overseas this Christmas, you and your families are in my heart. We could never show enough gratitude.

Xo,
E

funny texts

I could not help but laugh the other day after I got this text from one of my best friends back home {his texts are in gray}.

There are about 10 more "why what's up" messages after this!
And then say men can't get a word in otherwise! Ha!

I can always count on him for a good laugh after a tough day and I am thankful for the way he looks out for those he is closest to. Although we are prone to our tiffs he has taught me a lot about friendship and respect- both self-respect and respect for others.

Check out a few of my favorite pictures/memories below!

The first two were from a weekend trip the three of us took together... his expressions were priceless as Erica and I danced around Starbucks that morning acting like total girls!

The last is a picture of us with his best friend and fiance- the 4 of us went on a cruise together! More pictures coming soon!

Xo,
E

317am

Did anyone stay up to watch the 2010 Winter Solstice Lunar Eclipse?

It occurred on the East coast between the hours of 1am and 5am, with the best time to view said to be at 3:17am.

I had set my alarm for 3:10am with the hopes of feeling well enough to wake up but when the alarm rang, I decided that sleep was more precious since 1. I had to be up {and functioning} in 3 hours for work and 2. I haven't been feeling well this week, and 3. it was entirely too cold to even think about getting out of my warm bed.

I figured I would try to catch it on YouTube, at least some highlights... I was even going to upload a video on here, but alot of the videos that people uploaded seem to be in violation of the site's terms of use.

{via google}

The Solar Systems has always fascinated me. One of my fondest memories of my childhood is when my mom purchased a telescope for me when I was in middle school for Christmas. I remember trudging through the backwoods fields with her on freezing cold nights to catch a meteor shower or try and connect the constellations. I even remember one time, she found Saturn! I will never forget viewing the rings through that tiny telescope lens. It was thrilling!

If you missed this eclipse, the next viewable one in North America will be in December 2011!

with the grace of a woman

After a while, you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

And after a while, you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye, you learn.

{Shoffstall}

What have you learned?

Contentment, Part One

Lately I have been learning contentment, mainly in three ways.

The first is contentment with where I am geographically.

I currently live in Central Virginia and am not a fan. Most of all, I miss my family. I miss my dear friends. I miss the city lights that were a mere hour drive away. I miss bike rides with my Mom and I miss my dog.

Back in March, I decided to move to Virginia because of an incredible job opportunity and while I am not a fan of my location, I am trying to learn contentment. I am here for a reason: the known reason is because of work. I was offered a job at a University that pays for my education. It was a hard decision to move away from my family and friends, but with the support and encouragement from those who know me best, I decided it would be foolish to give up such an opportunity. I also knew, deep down, that if I didn't take full advantage of this opportunity, I would regret it in 10 years.

At the time of the move, I was living in the "here and now." I wasn't actively thinking about the future. The move and this job has encouraged me to not only think of the future, but prepare for the future now.

Here are some of my goals:

1. Begin chipping away at my Masters degree. My job will pay for 6 classes a year. It will take me 2 years to finish my degree, if I decide to stay at my current job.

2. In the Spring, I will begin looking for another job- ideally at another university in the DC, Philly or Wilmington area. This will put me a mere 1-2 hour drive from my family.

3. While I'm waiting to begin applying for a new job, I will take full advantage of the learning experience I have been given now. I will work hard and develop my professional skills. There is no better time than now for hands on experience. I have been blessed with an incredible boss who previously worked for Coca-Cola. From day 1, he has offered coaching for his employees; he coaches and pushes them into fields that encourage professional development. You really can't ask for a better boss.

4. I plan to take advantage of where I live now. It's not ideal, but I'm here... and will be here for at least 6-ish more months. Instead of escaping every weekend, my roommate and I have been enjoying getting to know our area... researching culture-rich festivals and activities. The Fall is a perfect time for this, which will carry right over to Holiday parties and festivities. Before I know it, it'll be time to start job searching... and perhaps one day I'll miss this town and this time in my life. Why not make the most of it while I'm here now?

I have 2 more areas that I'm learning to be content:

1. my body and body image

2. love

I'll be writing about BOTH of these in future posts.

For tonight, I'll leave you with an Audrey quote to ponder:

{A quality education has the power to transform societies in a single generation, provide children with the protection they need from the hazards of poverty, labor exploitation and disease, and given them the knowledge, skills and confidence to reach their full potential} AH

goals

Recently, I've been focusing on goals for my life, both long term and short term.

Over the next few days, I'm going to be sharing what those goals are, one by one!

Tonight, I'm going to share about my weight loss goal.

For kicks and giggles the other night, I pulled out my old phone, the one I had pre-iPhone, aka before my life was changed. I was flipping through old text messages from the beginning of the year and eventually started flipping through old pictures. Although I don't have the ability to put the exact picture I'm thinking of on the blog (I have no way of getting it off the phone), I still have pictures from that month... which I believe was the slimmest I have ever been. Check it out here:

{January-ish 2010}

Although I haven't gained tons and tons of weight, I have started to realize the impact that having a sit-down-all-day-at-my-desk kind of job has affected my body. Prior to having my current desk job, I was a server which meant constant activity and running around on busy nights. I didn't realize how much this would affect me. My goal is to fit into my jeans that I wore last winter, very comfortably {which would be about a size}.

Here is what I'm doing to shed a few pounds:

1. running/walking- my goal is at least 3 times a week, if not 4
2. packing lunch instead of eating out every day (which hey, saves money too!)
3. when I do decide on a meal out, order from the kid's menu OR share a meal with someone at the table
4. cutting my coffee intake from 4+ cups/day to 1-2 cups/day. Although a small change, I have noticed a huge intake as I consumed many calories from the flavored coffee creamer I spoiled myself with

Although these are all small changes, I'm hoping they add up and I can slim down before Christmas. I would love to be able to fit comfortably in the clothes I purchases last year. {also planning on dying my hair back to this color for the Fall/Winter as well, as it carried my coloring extremely well}

What are some goals you've set for yourself lately?

Stay tuned this week for another goal!

What I'm reading

Recently, my roommate and I have been obsessed with shaping our lives to reflect the always stylish, always classy, always graceful Audrey Hepburn. Our purpose: become classy, intelligent and impressionable young women as we prepare to enter into our professional careers.

I love my roommate Julia. We always have the best of times laughing and sarcastically criticizing each others efforts to get our lives together. All joking aside, though- she is one of the most dedicated, smart and driven ladies that I know. While she enjoys an awesome time with friends from time to time, she has never let that get in the way of her ultimate career and academic goals. She's been through a lot and her determination to succeed is an inspiration to constantly move toward a higher goal. Check us out enjoying a night out a few weeks ago with the ultimate classy friend, Brittney Joy:

(Brit's Blackberry Photo)

Jules and I have been enjoying spending roommate time devouring our new "Audrey books", we commonly refer to them. Currently, I am reading the chapter {in the book pictured above} entitled "Words, Words, Words". A sneak peak into the chapter so far: "any girl worth her Manolo Blahniks knows how to talk the talk and walk the walk." Author Jordan Christy writes about the importance of improving our speach to communicate intelligence, elimating toxic phrases and words such as "ummm, yeah" and "like, totally" that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton have made popular among women today.

So far, I love this book! Inspiring and motivational, it is a reminder to keep moving forward to the goals of the future.

What books are you reading or currently enjoying?
Any of you reading on a Kindle?

Where I've Been: here and there and everywhere!

Well... here it is in pictures.

Because pictures are always more fun...

Opening night for the Phillies April 2010
BEST time with friends that I love:

{love that city skyline}

{best of friends}

THEN {also in April}... I was SO kindly invited to paint DC our favorite color {see flowers below} one weekend when T, an old college friend invited me to stay at her uncle's sweet pad {also see below}

{we went for the cherry blossoms, but I fell in love with these pink tulips more. go figure}

We talked and we shopped and we walked around. Then we were chauffeured around for a personal tour of the entire city.
Then we ate. And ate. And ate.
Then we stayed on the 15th floor of *THIS* building where we drank some wine and admired the city lights. The living room had a panoramic view of the city.
Those lights, they captured my heart.

Then, in May... I photographed my first wedding in over a year with my Mother. Haven't seen her work? Check it out, you won't be disappointed. It's always a BLAST spending the day with her while working. This was my first wedding since, well... you know... and guess what? I'm still alive and happy and breathing.

June was Sister's 21st birthday.
Where better to celebrate than the famously trashy Atlantic City?!
We took a group, but the best company was my siblings:

Sister and I danced the night away. What fun!!!

July?

Oh, that's the time that we scored front row seats {at a packed out 4th of July game} at our city's junior baseball league game. Here, we met Gerald, who gave us our front row seats. Why didn't get a picture with Gerald? {Jules, on that stat} We topped this night off when I caught a baseball that the boys threw at us with their number and invited us to play "Call of Duty" back at their hotel room. Talk about klassy.

I enjoyed the evening with these two fabulous ladies, Brit and Jules:

Also in July?
Daddy officially announced his candidacy for the House of Representatives.
This is him. I am SO proud!!!

Somewhere in here, I started collecting Silly Bands. Thanks Julia.
I thought they were dumb. I still do.
But yet the coolest thing I have ever collected.
My silly band collection went from this:

TO THIS:
{you can award me my earned cool points later}

One of my favorite things to do with my ladies is visit one of our local Mexican restaurants for Friday Night Mexican/Margarita Night. {aka FNMMN} Is there a better way to start off a weekend than with Margaritas? Our friend Jorge makes ours special, for his favorite guests of honor.

and no, we didn't drink the whole thing ourselves. there are multiple straws

{holy cow, my hair got long. when did that happen?!}

Speaking of our friend Jorge, the girls and I seem to meet the most wonderful people whilst out painting the town. Below is a picture of Julia, myself and our new friend Ann.

Ann is going to Vegas with us in October. Ann also more or less offered me a job at a Wedding Publication company. Although I don't think she remembers doing so...

Ann was fabulous. Although we don't have a picture, we also met Kay. Kay was adorned with Tiffany's. Hence the beginning of our best-friend-ship.

And lastly, on a more serious note... I coined this phrase to be my new phrase in life for the moment:

This phrase, found on the back of a Dove Chocolate wrapper sits on my keyboard at work. I look at it everyday. It reminds me, every day... to dwell in my past. I have the brightest, most promising future in front of my than I have ever had in my entire life. I will only move forward.

One of these days, I'm going to finish my story of how/why In My Red High Heels began.
I promise.

Until then, you should go thank Sam for the most gorgeous layout that she put together for me. Cuase God only knows... I have NO time to work on my own design stuff. Why is that?

Love you all. Thrilled to be back.
Tell me how your Summer has been, loves.

*le sigh*

Have you ever come to a major crossroad in your life?

A time in your life where you've had to make a big decision and no matter how many logical choices you have in front of you- you're just not sure which path to take? Am I the only one who is so indecisive that the second I mentally confirm my decision, I question whether or not it's the right one, which sends me into more questioning and contemplating?

A thousand different people have given me their two cents {half of them I'd probably just rather them give me 2 pennies} on what they think the best decision is... some opinions have been welcomed, other have not. Go with your gut feeling, think about the future, think about your future, do what makes you happy, pray about it...

I honestly have no instinct either way... am I that numb to emotions these days?

Part of it makes me think that I am just so scared to death to break free of my safety net... my comfort zone... I have my family here, my friends, a job that doesn't pay the greatest- but I still love it... how long am I going to stay stagnant in this safety zone?

How long am I going to completely avoid anything that has to do with commitment?

I am so confused... it's times like this that I wish the Staple's Easy Button really worked.
{{It's been a rough few days...}} encouragement welcomed.

*le sigh*

of this I am determined...

Without uttering a single word, my sister reminded me of something that my parents taught me growing up. They used to always tell her and I to “choose a man who would swim through shark infested waters to bring you a lemonade.”

Think about this for a moment- there’s more to this than what you read. What they meant, and what took me a while to grasp is that I should choose a man who is willing to lay down his own life for me and our future family. A man who is willing to do everything in his power to provide for my needs and for our family’s needs. A man who would do anything for me, without thinking about himself first. Granted, hopefully I’m not selfish enough to nonchalantly ask him to risk his life in an effort to quench my thirst, but you get what I’m saying...

So guess what I decided tonight? I’m done making excuses for the men that I choose in life. I want a man who will willingly swim through shark infested waters to get me a lemonade. Why? Because that’s what I deserve. I am a passionate woman, and when I love someone- I love them without holding anything back. I am faithful and loyal and will do back-flips trying to make the one that I love happy. I cherish them, care for them and support them. I deserve that kind of treatment back.

...not somebody who wants to move on to “bigger and better” things because they think they are called to a “bigger and better life”. And definitely not anyone who is willing to leave me trampled on in the dust as they run on to chase what they think they are called to do. I want a team, a selfless, balanced team. I will have that. And this man will love me for who I am and will appreciate the unconditional, loyal love that I offer. This man will swim across an ocean of shark infested waters to bring me a lemonade.... Of this... I am sure. I will not settle or make excuses for the rest any longer.

In other news:

Confession:

I love love love coffee mugs, usually cute ones from Starbucks...
but check out these adorable ones I found from
Paula Kathlyn’s Etsy shop.

I bought the lips mug for me...


...and the mustache one for my dear friend, Erica.


Are you just as obsessed with these as I am?

Snow Days

Today we had a snow day.

Work was closed.

And we were snowed in completely.

So, what better day to dress up and take some pictures?

Thanks to my awesome Mom photographer...

We had a last minute photo sesh outside

{while it was still snowing and of course, in heels}

Sister in Blue

Me in Pink

To see more, click here.

Other news:

I've decided to write. In a series of stories, kind of like a book... I'm going to write my story... right here, right on this very blog. It won't be readily accessible all at once, and probably won't be written over a week or two. Every post won't be about it, and it might be a few weeks in between posts about the story.

I'm not writing because I'm bitter.

Or because I want him to somehow, someway discover this blog,

read it and rethink his decision.

I'm writing because it's therapeutic for me and also, one day... I'd like to help someone else out. I want to be strong for someone because of the women that were strong for me. I also want you along for my whole ride... to cry with me, to laugh with me, to encourage each other. I want you there, because your love and support and the emails that I get encourage me like you wouldn’t believe.

Tonight with my Mom and Sister,

we watched Julie & Julia...

the cute movie about blogging and cooking.

It brought back a lot of memories. I used to cook alot. And I blogged alot. And the relationship between Julie {the girl who kept the blog about Julia Child} reminded me a lot of us.

Instead of saying that I wish life was more like the movies, I’m going to erase those thoughts and remember that my life is the movies... it’s just taking longer than 2 hours to see the ending.

It will be perfect in the end, and the experiences that I’m facing now will make me a stronger woman for my husband, my children and my friends.

I believe that with my whole heart.

I fried an egg this morning. It’s the first time I’ve cooked breakfast since August. I used to cook breakfast for him on the mornings he had off. One time, I even cooked him breakfast and served it to him while he was playing video games. But enough about that... the point I’m trying to make is that I’m taking {baby} steps to get back to my normal self. I’m not avoiding things anymore because it reminds me of him.

It was delish.

All 70 calories seasoned to perfection with salt and freshly cracked pepper.

Did you get any snow??

Frustration

So please excuse my somewhat down in the dumps post... but I need to write.
You don't have to read if you prefer not to. I won't be offended, promise.

I’m not going to lie or try to hide it... I’m having a really hard time this year. Why is it always “the firsts” that are the hardest to get through, especially the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays?

It’s going to be a hard one this year, I know it is. I made myself numb to Thanksgiving… like it almost didn’t exist. I just spent the entire day forcing myself to think of things to be so thankful for...

my family
my new friends
my job
the opportunities I've been given since August.

That helped. But it also creeped through my mind what should have happened.

We made plans in June to spend Thanksgiving putting up the Christmas tree and decorating our apartment. He couldn’t leave town because of work, so we were going to cook and be festive just the two of us… make the most of the situation of not being with our families for the first time on our first big holiday being married.

This morning I woke up to Christmas music. And tears stinging my eyes. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself numb to this upcoming holiday… not to mention I shouldn’t. Nothing about Christmas is about me. I have it made compared to others… I have a family to spend it with. I have a job. And I’ll be getting presents on both my birthday and Christmas morning. I have an education and amazing friends. But it still hurts, it still stings... like washing your hands with steaming hot water when they are freezing cold.

Modern civilazation, I’d say since WWII has commercialized Christmas… we’ve somehow managed to intertwine Christmas with loving that special someone else, being warm and cuddly and romance.

Why?

It’s hard this year. For the first time in my life, I ignore Christmas lights when I drive by them. I ignore the Christmas music played at work. I’m not super excited about any holiday parties like I have been in the past. I don’t want to be numb to this holiday because it’s not even about me. But how do I put on a smile when I’m dreading the kind of Christmas that the world celebrates… the kind of Christmas that celebrates love and romance and being with a special someone?

After having several days (maybe weeks? I lose track of time) of keeping my tears down, they have been stinging my eyes for a few days now… sometimes they choke me. I hate the dumb Kay commercials… and is it me or are they overkill more so than last year?

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve met who have been in a similar situation as myself. I was in the bathroom at The Cultured Pearl, {TDF sushi at the beach} and I saw someone who I hadn’t seen in a long time who got wind that I was getting married. She asked how married life was {really? look for my ring, idiot}. I simply just told her that "life is taking me on other roads… err… it’s a long story” and left it at that, which is mostly what I say now. A lady in the bathroom piped up and said, “we all have those stories honey, don’t worry. And be glad it happened now than later.”

1. I hate that she said “we all have those stories”; not because I think my situation is worse than hers or yours, but because I hate that there is so much pain and heartbreak in the world. I mean, I know how much pain I’ve been through this year because of numerous things that have happened… and I hate thinking about anyone else enduring pain like that or pain that is much worse.
2. I just hate it in general when people say be glad it happened now than later. And
3. I hate that I thought I was lucky enough to not have to endure the amount of heartbreak that so many women experience these days… I thought I was being “rewarded” for not being stupid with my emotions and not settling for anything less than what I wanted.

I hate that words have become simply things that people say. Nothing more, nothing less.
And is it really true that every cloud has a silver lining?

Happy post about NY coming tomorrow. I needed to write today though. I had an absolute b.l.a.s.t. and am already planning another trip in the Spring… or maybe, one day… moving there.

Happy Hump Day, lovers.
And I do apologize for my lack of posts/comments.
I'll be back tomorrow.
☺